Dear Rachael, I wanted to write to you, partly as a tribute to your Dad, but also to let you know how I felt towards him. Firstly, I would like to thank your door. In hindsight I'm so grateful that I got locked into your house when I came to visit, because if it hadn't been for your door I wouldn't have spent those last precious moments with your Dad. I was a bit frantic that morning as it was a beautiful day and I wanted to be out in Hebden. Your Dad was my knight in shining armour and I think he delighted in hearing it. He asked if I'd like to go for coffee, and I agreed, so he suggested Morrisons in Tod. I looked at him in horror and started squealing words of horror until he recognised that his suggestion was utterly ridiculous for a woman like me and quickly and very intuitively suggested the Organic Cafe in Hebden, to my delight. I was feeling pretty hungover and when in the cafe he suggested soup and toast, I declined. I regretted it as soon as it arrived and tasted it and I think it was probably the most beautiful hangover soup I had ever tasted, and your Dad, being your Dad, let me share it with him. Whilst eating soup and drinking tea we had a really deep conversation about life, the universe, our beliefs (they are always the same) and his desire to visit the Amazon and the tribe. It was, as usual, a refreshing and stimulating conversation and by the time we left my hangover had completely disappeared. We then had a wander around the shops and talked some more. It was nice that was the last time I saw your Dad and I am so grateful that I had been given the opportunity to share a wonderful morning with him. It's not often in life that you meet someone like your Dad, he was a true and rare breed and I am forever in bewildered awe when I think of him and the person he created for himself, his family and his friends. What I have observed in your Dad I have not, to this day, observed in another. Your Dad was totally unconditional in his love and because of this was a God to his family and friends. I have never before witnessed a person that when he connects to another he connects himself wholly. I only realised this truely after his death, I just felt it when he was alive. It brought me to the realisation that your Dad gave his all. Once he had befriended someone, or in the case of your family, it was there from the start, he gave himself totally and unconditionally. With your Dad I felt truely loved and adored, it didn't matter what I did or how much of a fool I felt in his presence, I still felt loved. It was as though he didn't even notice all the behaviour that I berate myself so harshly for, he only seemed to notice the good, the perfect, ever. I always felt that I was a beautiful person that could do no wrong in his eyes and that is a true gift, a true gift, because there is no one on this earth I have felt that accepted by. And that was only the foundation of his relationship. There was all of your Dad's magic on top of that - his humour, his frankness, his loyalty and of course, his deep and spiritual knowledge. Rach, your Dad knew it all, honestly! I am aware that I have a sound knowledge of the universe and it's functionings, but whatever obscure theory I had on spiritualism, I could share it with your Dad and he knew what I was talking about. Not only that, he could advise on it too. I have never to this day met a person who has an understanding about everything and more. And so now I become selfish, because who am I going to talk to now? Who will understand me? Who will give me advice and fit all the pieces of the puzzle together for me? Who will love me with total acceptance, without fault, without judgement? And who the bloody hell will I so playfully flirt with? I am lost with the answers and the only person who would know is no longer here in flesh and blood. Oh, Rach, this is just me. This is just me who saw your Dad on occasion and yet he has left a gaping hole. I cannot even imagine for a moment what all of you are going through. All I can say to you, as I am sure you are all aware, is that you are all so, so privileged to have been raised by a father who was a giant among men. A man who has left so much more than unforgettable memories, because him and his total ability to love with total acceptance, lives on in all of you. Your Dad was the heart of your family but now you are there to rightfully and honourably step into that place. You, Rach, show all the strengths that your Dad did (erm, apart from the spiritual stuff!). I don't know what your beliefs are, Rach, but for me I know that your Dad, on another level, chose this time to go because it was the right time for him, and he chose the best possible moment for himself, and he knew you would all be ok because he brought you up to be. Your Dad is with you. And if you ever need his help and support, he will be there. You can still talk to him and he will still listen. He always believed that, and I believe you know you can too. There was no breaking into Heaven for your Dad this time. Those gates were opened for him by God himself, with honour, and surrounding him were innumerable welcoming and inconditionally loving beings of light. Love, always, Helen xxxx P.S. I am here for you always, at any time. P.P.S. My home is your home, you and your family are always welcome.